Christmas break was super nice with great food and family time, a lot of 2 years old emotions and a great need for physical connection from the little one. So this is basically how we looked during the holidays. Mostly in pajamas of course!
It got me thinking about intimacy, connection and disability.
I need help from my personal assistants to carry out some of the physical tasks related to motherhood like dressing, changing, preparing food etc. I'm always there, present, when we do these things, I speak 'now let's put on the pants' and the PA does what is needed to get the pants on.
We are made to belief that parent-child bonding happens mostly through this basic caregiving and that there is only one right way to care for someone - and that is by physically carrying out the task.
When my dear friend Freyja @shameandresistance went through the long process of becoming a foster mother some specialist argued that the presence of a PA would hindrance the bond between her and the child. They even went so far as saying that a physically disabled mother wouldn't be able to have a physical bond and intimacy with her child if she needs assistance (that is already in place) with carrying for the child.
These statements from the so called specialists have made me angry and frustrated from the day I heard them. And the frustration just grows when I enter new faces of motherhood and realize more and more how much bullshit these statements really are. So what I would like to say to these specialist now:
We may mother differently - but we do it pretty dam good!
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